India’s Revolutionary Road   1 comment

Yesterday I was watching Revolutionary Road on HBO with my husband.

Revolutionary Road by *bene*.

What a soul-stirring movie! I call it soul-stirring because it created several emotions at the end of it.  At one point I felt blessed, the other point i felt upset as to why some marriages fail, where does all the love vanish, and what about the children in such marriages?

India being a developing country with its huge population has diverse cultures, every one being unique and I being a true Indian love each as it is without comparison with the other.

A couple of years back there was a transition with regards to the law structure regarding the couples in a live-in relationship as well as the homosexuality in India. These two things saw a further transition some time back.

With the increasing use of the net, people are getting online dates fixed for themselves and if all goes well they are all set to ring the wedding bells.

What I want to say is that although we have developed so much, still we are comfortable with the life partner that our parents choose for us. Well some of us disagree to that view, and would like to choose our life partners ourselves. whether it’s a love marriage or an arranged one, what are the secret ingredients that keep the marriage going on for years?

Back to the movie, the hero meets the heroine at a party and they “knew” that they were made for each other and they soon got tangled I mean married. I felt blessed for all of us who are happily married and felt sad for the ones who don’t see the happier side of marriage.

In our society, divorce is still a stigma, a western concept that doesn’t get long with the Indian concept of marriage.

So what exactly is the Indian concept of marriage?

Indian women value their Sindoor and their Mangalsutra more than their husbands like the wedding rings in the western countries. In the Indian system of marriage there is favouritism from centuries to the “ladka and the ladkewalas” (groom and his family). The woman and the woman side are expected to bow to the groom and his family.

In our country a man with many daughters is looked upon like a man with huge debts, no need to say that it’s just an Indian outlook – it still exists in every part of the country, be it urban or rural.

Women are looked down upon and are expected to sacrifice their food habits, likes and dislikes, their belief and even their confidence in the name of the sacred marriage. women in our society dread with the word “divorce”.

They are ready to go through hell to stay married, even if that means she’ll face marital rape every night by a drunken womanizing husband, she will still stay with him with a hope that some day, may be after her death he’ll change. Women not only in the lower strata of the society but also the independent ones go through emotional as well as physical “atyachaar” (abuse).

Also strangely, the males in our society are allowed to have several extra marital affairs but if a married woman even talks to the neighboring man, she is called a slut. Why such favoritism to males?

That’s why may be most of the Indian women don’t want daughters, they want sons so that the daughters don’t go through the same torture that they have been through. A woman unloved by her in-laws and husband seeks refuge in her parents, but in the long run she discovers that parents are not ready to support her emotionally because she is married and that after a woman is married her husband’s home is her real home.

There have been dowry deaths earlier, still happening in our huge Indian subcontinent, there have been honour killings, there have been “abetment to suicide“, but what happens in the end – a life that was so precious is lost.

Indian women portray the true woman spirit of endurance in insecurity. We are loyal, we are meek, we are accepting and we are happy and glad that our husbands return home, they feed us, hit us and rape us.

Still our pati is our parmeshwar (husband is lord).

What about the children in such marriages, they figure out some time by their teenage I suppose, that some thing is “irreplaceably” wrong with their parents, they don’t understand what they should do when papa and mamma are stuck in their fights and they are asked to stay in their rooms.

They are curious to know what all that furore is all about? They need to know why papa is scolding mamma and why is mamma crying so inconsolably. In the long run these children are sensitive emotionally and get carried away, even if some one is sweet to them.

They desperately search for love, but they find none, and end up in the wrong company. Why don’t so many Indian women think of these consequences when they decide to stay with a negative partner – are they willing to push their children to become insecure adults, who don’t believe in true love but sex and money and power?

Why don’t we break this stereotypical tradition? Why can’t we liberate our women?

In a country where woman is worshiped in the forms of Kali, Sarasvati, Durga and Lakshmi, in a country where you have women sports icon, astronomers, president and prime minister, in that same country are the women so tortured for they are the weaker sex.

So how we can compromise with the peace within just to wear that mangalsutra and that sindoor.? To give peace to your partner, first you should be at peace.

Why stay in a relation that gives you pain at all levels-physical as well as emotional? Rather break free and be peaceful. Why stay with a person who on the pretext of loving you abuses you, hurts you and blames all “mistakes” on you.

In every culture and across the globe marriage is meant to unite two hearts and make a bond for a life time. Marriage intends you to accepting each other, loving each other and building a trust so deep that not even death can do away with.

I feel that a couple needs to be honest to each other atleast when they are in a relation, keeping their pasts aside. Every couple needs to give time to each other to know each other and to be aware of the stress that each one is facing and to de-stress that stress you need to spend quality time watching movies together, going out, reading etc.

Marriage is for love, but not many understand this. People get married because their parents want them to get married, girls in the indian society should be married off before 25 or else they say she is too old and won’t get any prospective grooms.

When you understand that you are ready to be responsible and want to settle down, love and be loved then is the right time to get married.

It’s very important that you get married when you think you should rather than being pushed into a relationship whose dimensions and gravity you’ve never imagined.

Marriage is selfless, and you should be ready to accept that huge fact.

These are the secret ingredients that go into making a great marriage……

(Image Source : Flickr *bene*)

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Posted May 3, 2010 by indupress in Indupress

Tagged with , , ,

One response to “India’s Revolutionary Road

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  1. I agree. I feel marriage should be seen as a means to a happier life, for companionship- and like you said, only when a partner one truly cares to spend ones life with is found.
    A lot of problems happen when marriage is seen as the only goal of life. And breaking of a marriage as the end of life.

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